Monday, 29 December 2008

Love Is Hairy

Love is hairy, stubbly stuff
shave all week, it's never enough

whether I shave it or slather on Nair
whack it or hack it, will always be there

Keeps coming back, as much as you crop it
waxing and chemicals can’t even stop it

try to ignore it, the nubs comes in thick
even my eyebrows, a uni-brow chick

Come Saturday, I don’t really care
let it grow outta my underwear

Let it alone, that unruly mop
looks like I got me a nice bumper crop

This is my way, ain’t gonna change
my love and my hair are looking deranged

Sitting there pondering love and love's looks
flippin’ through Cosmo and metrosex books

Beauty is bare in my favorite rag
Nary a hairy or haggard old nag

Eyebrows are separate and carefully arched
Lips are injected and never seem parched

Legs are butt smooth, and so are are the pits
Love is not given to hairy chick fits

Speaking of nares, mine is exempt
The nose and the ears are extremely well kempt

Sunday mornin’ rolls around but his razor can’t be found...

I call out his name and wait for an answer
his ditty bag’s gone, could it be that dancer?

The one that he watches, the one he admires
could she be the one whose igniting his fires?

I’ve seen her there waiting, the picture of grace
slender and agile, not a hair out of place

I sit on the edge of the tub, shocked and numb
look in the mirror then look at my thumb

I eye up the woman whose not spent a dime
on personal pleasures as though it’s a crime

My overgrown garden could not see the light
missed out on the sweetness of bare skin’s delight

Bought into myth, and every girls hope
she’d still be worth something without any soap

Rummaged around in a drawer, feeling sick
through tears I lay hold of my old Lady Bic

Slipped into the shower convinced he despised me
lathered and cried, none of this has surprised me

He'd seemed a bit distant and preoccupied,
the more I persisted, the less satisfied

I should have considered my Love is not blind
his eyes are like sponges, his vision will find

The best of the beauties, the cream of the crop
as sweet sugar blossoms parade past his shop

I have an epiphany there in the suds
Time's never wasted on pruning the buds

Better to nip 'em if you're feelin manly
can't be mistaken for Charles or Stanley

Lord knows the time I've put in at Curves
not that it matters, the good that it serves

Let him go sister, try rising above
if that's all he's after, it ain't really love

and who really cares if he's after that minx
just between us, we know how she stinks

Making my plans to rip up his picture
wipe out his memory, no longer a fixture

can't say I've needed nor much that I cared
out with the man and the laundry I've aired

When into my steamy retreat disconcerted
the voice of the man I was sure had deserted

I silence my heart, and put down the Bic
ease back the curtain, behold~ my St. Nick!

the hairy faced heathen is battered and worn
face rather prickly, it needs to be shorn.

"What is this?" he demands, as he thrust out his hand~
"Why, a worn out old mach 3, the triple edge brand"

"I just CHANGED this blade and the thing's dull and rusted!!"
"Heck if I know", but I know I’ve been busted.

Step out of the shower bare skin drippin wet
"At this rate I think I’ll buy stock in Gillette."

I hold out my bic and smile at old Bones
"Would you like me to light your cigar, Mr. Jones?"

Leave him to his business which won’t include the shave
Love is stubbly, love is soft and hairy to the grave.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Happy Birthday Jesus


when I was a child, heard many a thing
about God in His Heaven and angels who sing
of streets paved of gold, and the one at the gate
whose keeping a record of me on a slate

the things that I do and the things that I say
It scared me to think that I'd sin anyway
and I wanted to know how the God of great love
could measure our worth by the things we think of

not knowing Him then, well I listened to men
who knew less about God than they did their own end
so I prayed to the One, asking right from my heart
tell me true, are you there, have you been from the start?

can you please help me sort through the myth and the magic
the lies of religion, the hopeless and tragic?
can you meet me right here, just where I am
in my darkness and failures, are you really I AM?

and what of the others who labor for nothing
who have not and hunger for turkey and stuffing?
on the streets, in the cold, stumbling drunk in the alleys
red-handed, white lies, and deep blues in dark valleys?

at our weakest, and numb from the heartache of losing
the ones that we love, left behind with a bruising
will I find you in throne rooms in the back of my mind
like some Wizard of Oz that I'm seeking to find?

A whisper, an answer, a thought I just had
was it me, was it You, could it be, that I'm mad?
But wait, there again, as I stifle my pride,
"Open the door and invite me inside".

"Ask Me, I'll tell you, I'll lead you along
NOT ONE WORD WAS WRITTEN, disproven or wrong"

"And as for the poor and the weak and your past
Your sins are forgiven, the first shall be last."

"I've chosen the weak things to confound the wise
I turn it around for the greatest surprise"

The ONE that I love, the dearest of all
the babe in the manger with the horse in the stall
He grew to a man and we know him as Jesus
fulfilled the great plan and wow, how he sees us

He bore all our burdens and gave us the ring,
we are his bride and HE is our King
and the more that I trust him, the more I debate
I need to ask questions regarding our fate

Is God all around us, is heaven for real
does He care for our flesh and the way that we feel?
is one day like a thousand, as thousands are lost
in the floods and the fires and the wars and the frost?

I'll wait for the answers and try to be still
like the child in the manger and the cow on the hill
I will study to find myself well in Your sight
while we sit by the fire and chat through the night

and when Christmas has finally dawned on our days
and we celebrate giving in so many ways
I must keep in mind how you wiped clean the slate
for once and for all you reopened that gate

and I must not forget though I'm often at fault
that you want me to shine, to be light, to be salt
and always remember that You are the reason
I celebrate Christmas, no matter the season.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Before the Office Christmas Meal


For every miserable office worker at Christmastime. Cheer up!


When you feel taken for granted
thinkin' they just don't care
wanting to move away again,
but again, you don't know where~
burned-out, tired of trying
to be all the bossman wants
to be everything to everyone,
reading in between the fonts~

We who sit beside you
in the office and the stall
who sing along, the same old song,
while you stand and take the fall~
in a cubicle, with mistletoe,
this lonesome caroler hums
it's all benign,
please don't resign
before the yule tide comes

(Chorus)
Want to see you here on Christmas
don't leave us all alone
want to hear you 'woe ho ho' again
so don't slam down the phone~
don't make that snap decision
when the pressure starts to build
just let the steam out somewhere else
and let your heart be filled
with joy

At the meeting, you suggested
wrap the garland and a bow
and all the trimmings, here and there
around whose neck, we know
the one about the lighting
the star atop her head
and now the head of operations,
wants to move you to the shed.

They just don't understand you,
your work is so complex
you didn't sign his Christmas card
but the boss still signs your checks
so don't be rash, just try to hash it out
and make a deal,
and let bygones be gone
before the office Christmas meal.

(Chorus)
Want to see you here on Christmas
please don't leave us all alone
want to hear you 'woe ho ho' again
so don't slam down the phone
and don't make that snap decision
when the pressure starts to build
just let the steam out somewhere else
and let your heart be filled
with joy

Sunday, 7 December 2008

the run around and me


He went around
and came around, and went around again~
Then he came around, went back around
and came around again.

"What's with all the run-around?"
I asked my breathless friend
"Guess what goes around, will come around
and right up to the end."

"But what's all this you're chasin, then?"
I asked the weary clown~
"Been chasin' all these wimin,
and they've yet to slow me down."

"Who runs this ride, you run beside,
and can't they cut the speed?"
"I have no clue, but maybe you
can jump this thing, and plead."

"One last run around, dear girl
take a ride and wait for me,
it won't be long, enjoy the song,
I'm a sick sorry son of a b."

I hopped aboard his dream machine
where ladies rode the poles
and pushed passed blown out bimbos
to the room which housed controls.

I peeked inside the window there
and much to my surprise
no one was manning anything
on this carousel of lies.

A sea of lovely lonelies
ride 'The Future' from the past
around again a few more times
our lives are fading fast.

Suddenly he's on the ground
and draggin' on his knees
with sweat upon his forehead,
I said, "Jackass, LET GO, please."

"One last run around, dear girl,
don't you worry none 'bout me
appreciate your deep concern
I'm a sick sorry son of a b".

Well, it took some major doing
to release his grip of fear
and then I jumped, and bruised and bumped
was finally in the clear.

"we've cashed in all our chips today,
but we'll be back, you see-
you push to run the Future
and I'm a freakin' fool for thee.

We hobbled from the Carn-evil,
my weary friend and me
what goes around will come around
dear God please set us free.

No Returns


He bought them from his cousin
they were shiny black and new
the man was doing business
and at a fair price too.

Well they looked like patent leather
reflecting back, he smiles
he wore them out to church
and had put on several miles.

One day the skies grew darker
and the rain began to splatter
the drops absorbed into the shoes
well not a sight was sadder

For the shoes were made of paper
and his cousin bought the stock
from a man who made his livin'
shoeing feet that used to walk.

The business had been slowing
at God's Shoe store for the Saints
though reports were never glowing
he rarely got complaints.

I am told my father's cousin
owned a bar on Irving Street
and fitted many customers
while they still had living feet.

Many of the regulars
brought back their soggy shoes
I am sorry but there's no returns
can I pour you up some booze?

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Take The Shame!


My sister sent some money 'cause things had gone to hell
She said, "You don't belong there Honey, a trip home will do you well."

On a three day smelly bus ride away from what had been obscene
turned my nose to New York City where the air was fresh and clean.

Pulled into Central Station, a different kind of highland
was met by my dear sister, a castaway on Gov'nors Isand.

Being broke was half the trouble,and we played it like a game
but the nasty shoe debacle, well it made me take the shame.

I didn't know quite what to do, but I knew I had a job,
a suit of hounds-tooth off 'The Give', and my hair cut in a bob.

The suit was fitting perfectly, for shoes we found some flats
pink with silver circled cut-outs, kind of clownish without spats.

Well I stood there in a laugh-cry, 'cause my job was in the city
I gotta make these babies black or be lookin' 'Hello Kitty'.

So she gets that strange expression, perhaps as from the Lord
In an empty apartment down the hall was some paint for the old baseboard.

We laughed the night we dipped the shoes,laughed until we cried
And early the next morning, it seemed the paint had dried.

You could see that they were shiny and ready for the weather
and from an eyeball's distance they could pass for patent leather.

I was ever careful as I slipped my stockinged toes
into brand new 'hello baseboard' shoes and no-frills tailored clothes.

Mincing along, but gingerly I hopped aboard the ferry
missed the bus to Beekman, in the dark, the walk was scary.

Made it the building not a minute did I lose
I tidied up my hair and then I glanced down at my shoes...

Blasted bloody got 'em muddy, bits of paper grass and sand
I heard my toes scream out, "Hey, buddy, for shoes, tar paint is banned!"

Quickly then I kicked 'em off and tried to wipe 'em clean
but every little thing unstuck took off the tacky sheen.

I did my best to conceal a sob but had to pay my dues
as more than one allergic snob caught sight of battered shoes.

I tried to blacken out the pink, with a big old magic marker
but folks complained about the 'stink', and not a day was darker.

At 5 PM, back on the street, with nowhere else to roam
my misery was made replete, as I tracked some more dirt home.



Anonymous said...
I remember the night well, first a trip to the 'GIVE' - a community table in the common laundry room , where rejected stuff gets a second chance... it was a cold and dark fall night in NYC. Now back upstairs with our find- a pair of pink flats and a hounds tooth suit- bright idea #1- Paint the shoes black. I remember the empty apt. just down the hall. The pungent paint odors still wafting. The workmen were there earlier that day scraping up the old lamimate tiles in the small apt. That apt faced east, overlooking the Verezano Bridge. I remember seeing it sparkling like a diamond necklace as I cracked a window to abate the fumes. "It's around somewhere", I thought to my self, "Keep looking". The men were using this tarry black substance to paint old rubber base board or glue tile down. It would work nicely to cover over the pink & silver 1980's shoes. I was never the brightest crayon in the box, but that paint could save my sister the embarrasment of not having proper shoes to wear on her first day on the job. Mom always said, " Necessity is the mother of invention". I had only one choice. Get that black tarpaint and a brush. It wouldnt take much. The door was left open. I snuck in and grabbed what was left. Yes, we dipped the shoes, laid them on the heater on an opened brown bag, praying they would dry over night. So they didnt. Hence the shame. We did laugh till we cried, and I'm sure I peed my pants! I cried when I saw you walk through the door that next evening- everything that the streets of lower Manhattan could afford stuck tightly to those things... you name it it was on there. What you do for love! Sorry sis, we tried. Thanks! Your poem is so funny! I laugh my head off remembering. Love you.

Monday, 1 December 2008

Sweet Mysteries



At the end of the day
it could go either way
much like at the end
of this song~
Well I write for a while
then I sink to a smile
when I think how you
draw me along.

Well we came with a story
a beautiful song, unheard verses
locked deep in our soul~
and the way to discover
what's locked in this lover
find the key that will fit
the keyhole.

Sometimes we're inspired
other times we're just tired
and it's sad when we don't
realize~
it's because of ourselves
talent sits on the shelves
in the darkness for the rest
of our lives.

It was trouble and strife
anger cuts like a knife
and it tore at the door
of my mind, and my pride
it was then your sweet voice
through the keyhole rejoiced
and released the deadbolt
from inside.

So how I can tell you
just what's on my mind
I am corny and weird and unkind,
sometimes...
but I say what I feel
'cause I know what is real
and sure beats what I
left behind.

Thought the answer was
finding
the right key
the thing that would then
make you whole
but the Master
unlocking
life's sweet mysteries~
is the love sown
in each other's
soul.

Porch Swing Rhythm


Minding our own
makin' it rhyme
it's all coming out
theres dust in the drought
but the rain comes in time~

nothing held back
I've got nothing to say
let it roll off my shoulders
puts less your mind
and it's better that way~

And isn't it nice
you like hot tea 'on ice'
thank you, yes
I can follow
directions,
so please,
don't think twice~

And isn't it great
we can stay out real late
watching millions of
sparkling stars,
while your're lickin' that plate~

I said nothing at all
it's that horse in the stall
my foot fell asleep
but I'm not gonna weep
I can drag it or crawl~

Now the wind's in the trees
and your hand's on my knees
and the warmth of your breath on my neck
puts my tired mind at ease~

Distracted, it's true
idle chatter won't do
Better nothing to say
put the music on play
and be quiet with you.

Saturday, 29 November 2008

Held


the randomness
the senselessness
you strive to make life count
and then it comes to this
and in the end
you're left with pain
and someone writes a song
and it just seems inane

there is no way to justify
find meaning in your loss, you know
but still we try
there are no words
you need to hear
you only want the comfort
and it seems so clear

it's in our hearts
we want to take
your misery,
to share your grief
and ease the ache
well-meaning words
it's just the thought
and sinking down
too weak to stand
with arms you're caught

held up and loved
in silence there
is something more
than words can say
to show we care...

...just being there.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Sangwen de Lamanel



Snuggled in Downey, five-hundred thread county, creating,
in brushed cotton flannel she's sewn his panels, he's waiting
when down in the subway he sits on a nail
and jumping up, empties his cup on the rail
the coppers subdue him, and drag him to jail, parading.

Stripped to the drawers for a search they discovered the flannel
panel
when asked of the man who had frozen his can in the English
channel
he gave them the name of his seamstress and then
discovered that inside the panel was penned,
a note from the woman who goes by Sangwen de Lemanel:

"If you find this it means you have bust loose the seams of your winsulation
come back to my shack, I'll be happy to tack without hintsulation
of course, if by chance, you'd be wanting some scones
while I fix up your pants, you can warm up your bones
and I'll double the thickness and strength for your own consolation".

Though the note in the pants, at a glance, hardly worth the debating
somewhat cryptic in places, suggested the seamstress was dating
could it be that this maiden with needle and thread
was hiding an inmate who'd recently fled
it was suspect, her stitch-work, a cover: abetting and aiding.

Intent upon solving the case of the note in the panel
Sherlock Dannel rode down to the seamstress and brought her some flannel
"I've sewn quilts, without guilt, for the queen, rest her soul,
and the king wore my hats, though his head had a hole
but the rest of my work will attest to my innocence, Dannel".

And Sherlock, so taken with Sangwen, whose voice was sedating
missed the gist of her kiss, but the point of this pistol elating
"See I'm really quite good with a needle and thread
but in cases left traces of blood on the dead
when my needles were shed from drawers of the bores who were waiting."

The man was immersed, but well versed in the curse of the smitten
he saw that this seamstress was shrewd and her verses well written
and hiding her needles and notes could avail
in busting loose criminals down at the jail
and if he had his way, on this day, in the pen she'd be knittin'.



darn it...

Friday, 14 November 2008

Misery Loves Company



I took a walk with Misery
we've been walking for a while
sometimes he says I go too slow
but I'll go that extra mile.

We don't say much and that's okay,
I'm not much one for talking
Silence makes good company
though some may find this shocking.

Well Misery's been up and down
these old familiar roads
prefers to walk with strangers now
who'll kick against the goads.

He's seen his share of Trouble
it invites him in for tea;
he walks the sullen pathway home
alongside Sympathy.

They take the train quite often
and meet up at the bars
Self Pity's always waiting
with her bottle, wounds and scars.

They buy a round and toast the clown
whose always got one-liners
to keep the crowd distracted
from the sad-sack whining piners.

Adversity can test your will
and take away your smile
you might meet up with Misery
and settle for a while,

to dwell upon the negative
will limit where you go~
and stuck inside, you'll just abide,
and surely miss the show.

Reflecting on old Misery,
I've often let him lead
through disappointments,
heartache,
and my own uncertain need.

I slow my pace and let him pass,
and turning up the sound
I bid farewell to Misery,
it's time to turn around!

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Loved

It started with a couplet
quite easy to direct
but blossomed into something else
beyond my intellect.

I am only one,
I ask you, what can one girl can do?
You fed thousands fish and loaves
though you only had a few.

You healed the sick and dying
saying "Greater shall you do"
But I am only human, Jesus,
how can that be true?

And then You say you are 'I AM',
I AM alive in you.
And I say "OK, Good enough~
The Truth will have to do".

So how 'bout we just keep in touch
if You're that close, sweet Lord
It won't take long to reach You
and that's a call I can afford.

Very clever little G
you're starting out just fine
and when the need is there
just speak the water into wine.

Heal sick and broken hearted
lead a soul out of the flame
It's not your job to worry how
just do it in my Name.

Do not worry how you'll look
or what you're gonna say
just be yourself and let Me
be The Light that shines The Way.

Jesus was a real man
the books will verify
at 33 they nailed him
to a chunk of wood to die.

And to be sure that he was dead
hanging naked on a cross
they speared him though, and left him there
my Jewish carpenter boss.

And not a word was written
that He would not fulfill
the scene was painted well before
the making of the hill.

All men can be redeemed
that is,
bought back with His own blood
we cannot pay the price for sin
He freed us by His Love.

Written long before his birth
their KING would rise day three
and so it was, and so it is
that I AM lives in me.

And to many, it may seem absurd
but this is not a game
I am aware of the price He paid
and the power of His Name.

I've no stake in religion
there's nothing there for me
but I will follow Christ alone
His Love has set me free.

And though I am just one girl
and crazy into rhyming
In prayer I find my comfort
and I trust him with the timing.

Friday, 7 November 2008

the bottom of the bay


Staring into hazy eyes
I slowly start to realize
that you are several leagues away,
and now I understand~
Tried to solve the mystery
went looking for some history
I'd dive back down if just to see
and stir the sleeping sand.

We drown out all the pain we feel
far-away things seem not as real
but there's a ton of brokenness
on the bottom of the bay
weighted well to keep it down
in hopes that time would surely drown
the misery which hangs around
to cloud the dreary day.

I didn't know just what you felt
the searing fire, the burning welt
the scars of life, of loss and such
which numbed your spirit, hurt so much
and wounds so deep, they should have bled
attended to, would heal~ instead
they linger painlessly, you've said
in places way too deep to touch.

I feel the tug upon my fin
and draw a breath of water in
and surface here to find I've been
caught up in love's allusion.
you nearly dried me in the sun
and here I'm thinking 'so much fun'
but like all fish, I've come undone
awakened, our delusion.

I'll never truly understand
for I'm a fish and you're a man
I swim in garbage, not my plan
it's only your pollution.
there's no way a fish will drown
I'll let the current take me down
one more gem in Neptune's crown
and that is my solution.

I make my bed there in the deep
and on my watch, I rarely sleep
the nets they drag for memories,
I keep them all from catching~
the one's you've drowned there in a heep
the painful one's I'd rather keep
and as I swim this sea of *bleep*
none will be for snatching.

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Muted



in the filtered
blue glow
of your favorite late show
with the light
from the bathroom
left on~
I can make out
your face
and it's hard
to erase
from my memory,
although you
are gone.

In our silence
a sweetness,
a comfort, it's true
needing less
to be said
meant much more~
we lived well
in our day
and had so much
to say
but your smile,
it just cut
to my core.

And we sat side by side
on the sofa
twas your hand
on my ankle
which said~
I am here,
you are there,
theres no distance
I swear,
you still whisper
sweet nothings
in bed.

So forgive me
for getting
all sappy
but the late show
is on
and you're there~
in the blue
of the den,
I can't hear
Letterman
he's been muted,
so music can blare.

Friday, 31 October 2008

Rise Above


There was a time
I was a child
and I could clmb
the wooded wild
and see out over treetops
way beyond this place called home
Now I am grown
can barely climb
but give me time
and I will find
another way to rise above
and see beyond this poem

The paths I loved
when I was nine
are overgrown
with thorny vine
and streams beside
which I would sit
polluted now
and hardly fit
but give me time
and I will find
another path a sparkling stream
which winds around and satisfies
a quiet place
where I can dream.

Where there's a will
there is a way
there is a path
that's yours today
and if you come upon
a place that somehow seems impassable,
the answer still
the same today
That if you ask
and if you pray
the things you hope for
come what may
will rarely seem impossible.

Bad Hair Nightmare ( AKA The Barber)


I asked for the color I had as a child
"I don't think so", he said, and that's putting it mild~

I went to get up from the chair but soon found
the weight of that bib thing was weighing me down~

the eyes of the stylist, so cold and unkind
were narrowing as he approached from behind~

and in his hand something we both recognized
'twas the braid from my worst childhood fears realized!

The one he'd cut off right here at the neck
and left me there wearing a 'shag'... what the heck!

"You don't want this color, it's way too outdated
and what could be duller, than the one God created~

What you need now is product I'LL mix
a light honey blond with some purple, to fix

the damage you did with your cheap color tricks,
and the thing I hate MOST about all of you chicks!"

"Barberian justice would snip off your locks,
but you've suffered far worse when you turned to the box~

and then to add 'insult', you pulled through the cap
and expecting great highlights, got dried out straw crap.

Next time we'll just give you a "shorty", it's called,
don't mess with my color or you may wind up bald!

Monday, 20 October 2008

5 Minute Oats

Pacing the floor
in the middle of this
watching the kettle
'til steam starts to hiss
A strange fascination
we have with the bliss
with nothing behind us
but one heated kiss

Beneath an umbrella
I stand in the rain
and wait on the platform
for the 6 O'clock train
well you never quite hold me
and I rarely complain
and soaked with frustration
I walk home again.

We bid for each other
in some Chinese auction
and you got the booby
one mixed up concoction
we checked out our prizes
at a much closer range
what were we thinking
and can we exchange?

And without any memories
to dry up the tears
we long for the fire
and the comfort of years
but it's just one more lesson,
a good one we learned.
the slow-cooker is better
and we're less often burned.

And then as I ponder
you come in the door
I smile at your tired eyes
and looking for more
I stir up the pot
and you take off your Totes
and you ask me to make
you some 5-Minute Oats.

"I made em already"~
to warm up your cockles
the seat of your heart
and without the debacles
I sensed that the cold rain
would stir the desire
so I whipped up a batch
and rekindled the fire."

And in spite of my rambling
it seems rather clear
that 5-Minute oats
can mean something more dear
to that person who waits
in your kitchen above
stirring 5 Minute oats
into passionate love.

noel devine

breathing room

She turned her mind toward thoughts of God
and pondered on this thing called 'Love'
and how it felt was rather odd
to have the thing you're dreaming of.

and not to say that much had changed
from all of what she'd felt before
but just her movement towards the thing
that gently rapped upon her door

and opening, the air was clean and drifted
into darkened mess
and brought with it the scent of spring
and promise that would lead to rest

the angry pride from early age
and pain she'd buried in the deep
once heated into molten rage
had turned to steel in her sleep

and stirring up the settled dust
the softest breeze swirled room to room,
the filtered light fell on the crust
the window sill, the broken loom

the cool fresh air, she breathed it in
which fanned the flames of hope again
but woke the sleeping child within
the bitter pill, the urge to sin

where were you when love was lost
and dreams were killed and hope was tossed
and where were you when I was nine
and lost my way and... one last time

I need to know where Love was when
the waves rushed in, and buildings fell
when kids were shot and parents grieved
and everything had gone to hell.

She could have slammed the door right then
He would have left, that's just His way,
she had to have it out with Him
and screamed and cried, but let Him stay.

I just don't get your kind of sense
which lets a man do what he will
to take away the innocence
to mock your name, and steal and kill.

And then the air stirred in her face
and quiet came to sandy shoal
he spoke of Love's abiding grace
and water flowed into her soul

For what is better for your strife
and what is Love, to pull the reign
to force a man to choose the life
or nudge a man to use his brain?

And what is love to steal the bride
and drag her right outside the gait?
I set you free, you run inside
I chose you then, you chose to wait.

I hear you well, I understand
the breath you breathe, this rotting tomb
I died for you and every man
to give to you back your breathing room.

Monday, 6 October 2008

Grounds for Sculpture



"You really think this is sweetening the deal? Swings and Peacocks? I'm not some French dandy here." SK on the Grounds for Sculpture

Torso Bob


"I like to think that it is my job or vocation or whatever, to dress and/or accessorize Bob any way I see fit."
SK on the care of Torso Bob

Monday, 29 September 2008

with you

looking back I couldn't see
the storm clouds rising up inside me
here alone I've faced the wretched day
hard to know where to begin
just like the rain, you touched my skin
and suddenly I'm drenched and looking
for a place to hide away...

with you ( with you) hide away
with you ( with you)

take me back to where you're from
and dry me off beneath the sun
and speak to me the words which turn
cold winters into summer
melt the ice within my heart
please make it safe and never part
my life with you is so much more
than what it was, a bummer

with you (with you) summer fun
with you (with you)

Clouds move in and storms roll past
the darkness comes but never lasts and
through it all the Lord, our closest friend
First and Last, He's still the same
and trusting in His Holy Name
He's sure to bring us sunshine in the end.

with you (with you) in the end
with you (with you)

Friday, 12 September 2008

Mike Peters and Billy Lamont




microwave romance
by billy lamont


i
love
you
i
i...love you
ilove you/ ilove you/iloveyou/iloveyou/iloveyou

i love you
from the bottom of my
current frame of reference

of course in a few years
i could have
a new preference
i love you

microwave romance

My S/O? I guess so.

"Don't be going to some other guy for your poetry needs." SK

Sunday, 7 September 2008

A Chance For Sunshine



Written and illustrated by Jimmy Liao, this beautiful little story was later made into a movie, 'Left Turn, Turn Right'.

Saturday, 6 September 2008

Ginabeana



I am happy to say that since this was taken in 2006, my crows toes have made tracks!
:o

Friday, 29 August 2008

i love you. life is beautiful

Time for A 'Change'!

The Toddler Party

It's a Girl!!


Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, 44, addresses the crowd in Dayton, Ohio, after being introduced as John McCain's running mate. She becomes the first woman to serve on a GOP presidential ticket and the first Alaskan to appear on a national ticket.
Fast-track governor


MSNBC and NBC News
DAYTON, Ohio - Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain introduced his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, at a raucous rally Friday, praising her "tenacity" and "skill" in tackling tough problems.

"She is exactly who this country needs to help us fight the same old Washington politics of me first and country second," McCain told supporters in Dayton.

Palin, who becomes the first woman to serve on a GOP presidential ticket and the first Alaskan to appear on a national ticket, echoed McCain's appeal to battle the status quo in Washington.

"This is a matter when principles ... matter more than the party line," she said to the cheering crowd of 15,000.

Palin made an immediate play for support from Democratic women, mentioning that she followed in the footsteps of Geraldine Ferraro, who was the Democratic vice presidential running mate in 1984.

She also referred favorably to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who drew 18 million votes in her unsuccessful run against Obama for the Democratic nomination.

"But it turns out the women of America aren't finished yet and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all," she said.

Surprising choice

Palin's selection was a stunning surprise, as McCain passed over many other better-known prospects, some of whom had been the subject of intense speculation for weeks or months.

At 44, she is a generation younger than Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware, who is Barack Obama's running mate on the Democratic ticket.

She is three years Obama's junior, as well, and McCain has made much in recent weeks of Obama's relative lack of experience in foreign policy and defense matters.

Unlike Biden, who attacked McCain sharply in his debut last week, Palin was indirect in her initial attempts to elevate McCain over Obama.

"There is only one candidate who has truly fought for America and that man is John McCain," she said as the Arizona senator beamed. McCain was a prisoner of war for more than five years in Vietnam.

Palin has a strong anti-abortion record, and her selection was praised warmly by social conservatives whose support McCain needs to prevail in the campaign for the White House.

"It's an absolutely brilliant choice," said Mathew Staver, dean of Liberty University School of Law. "This will absolutely energize McCain's campaign and energize conservatives," he predicted.

Palin was elected Alaska's first woman governor in 2006, defeating Gov. Frank Murkowski in the GOP primary.

“I've been blessed with the right timing here,” Palin said before the election. “There's no doubt that Alaskans right now are dealing in an atmosphere of distrust of government and industry.”

She has proven to be a popular leader. Eighty percent of the state's voters gave her a "somewhat favorable" or "very favorable" rating in a July 2008 poll.

On Aug. 1, Palin scored a major victory when the Alaska Legislature passed a bill that authorizes her administration to award a license to TransCanada Alaska to build a 1,715-mile natural gas pipeline from Prudhoe Bay on Alaska’s North Slope to a hub in Canada.

The pipeline would be the largest construction project in the history of North America. If completed as hoped within 10 years, it would ship 4.5 billion cubic feet of natural gas per day. The United States imported about 10 billion cubic feet of natural gas per day in 2007.

Under investigation for firing
But Palin’s seemingly bright future was clouded in late July when the state Legislature voted to hire an independent investigator to find out whether she tried to have a state official fire her ex-brother-in-law from his job as a state trooper.

The allegation was made by former Department of Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan, whom Palin fired in mid-July.

“It is a governor’s prerogative, a right, to fill that Cabinet with members whom she or he believes will do best for the people whom we are serving,” Palin told CNBC’s Larry Kudlow in an interview on Aug. 1. “So I look forward to any kind of investigation or questions being asked because I’ve got nothing to hide.”

Palin also reacted to the indictment of Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens by calling it “very dismaying.” She added, “Hopefully though, this won’t be a distraction and get people’s minds off what has to be done in the grand scheme of things.”

As for the prospect of her being vice president, Palin told Kudlow that she could not answer the question of whether she wanted the job “until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day. I’m used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position, especially for Alaskans and for the things that we’re trying to accomplish up here.”

'Hail Mary pass'
Democrats pounced on the news that McCain chose Palin, characterizing the move as a gamble.

"After the great success of the Democratic convention, the choice of Sarah Palin is surely a Hail Mary pass," New York Sen. Chuck Schumer said. "Certainly the choice of Palin puts to rest any argument about inexperience on the Democratic team."

But conservatives praised her anti-abortion credentials.

"Sarah Palin is a pleasant surprise for those of us who had hoped that Senator McCain would pick a principled and authentic conservative pro-life leader," former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said.

Huckabee also used the Palin pick to reach out to women.

"Governor Palin ... will remind women that if they are not welcome on the Democrat's ticket, they have a place with Republicans," he said.

Palin is married to Todd Palin, a lifelong Alaskan who is a production operator on the North Slope and a four-time champion of the Iron Dog, which is described as “the world's longest snow-machine race.”

They have five children. Their son Track enlisted in the U.S. Army on Sept. 11, 2007.

Palin gave birth to their fifth child, Trig, last April. The baby boy has Down syndrome, a genetic abnormality that impedes a child's intellectual and physical development.

"When we first heard, it was kind of confusing," Palin said, according to an account in the Anchorage Daily News. She called the news "very, very challenging."

But she also related what she thought God would say to her family about her son: "Children are the most precious and promising ingredient in this mixed-up world you live in down there on Earth. Trig is no different, except he has one extra chromosome."

Palin made a name for herself in Alaska politics by serving as mayor of Wasilla for six years and going on to run unsuccessfully for the Republican nomination for lieutenant governor in 2002.

After her unsuccessful run, Palin received an appointment to the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, where she ended up serving a role in an ethics probe into Republican Party Chairman Randy Reudrich, who was questioned about conflicts of interest with the oil industry.

The investigation ultimately forced Reudrich to resign from the commission.

Palin's role in the investigation left her a party outsider, but she was able to win the 2006 Republican gubernatorial primary against Murkowski, going on to win the general election by 7 points over her Democratic opponent.

During one debate before the primary, Palin said she was in favor of capital punishment in especially heinous cases such as the murder of a child. "My goodness, hang 'em up, yeah,” she said. Palin opposes abortion rights.

Born in Idaho, Palin moved to Alaska with her parents in 1964, when they went to teach school.

She received a degree in communications and journalism from the University of Idaho in 1987.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

In a switch, McCain to Obama: "Well done"


MSNBC- Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois accepted the Democratic presidential nomination Thursday night, declaring that Sen. John McCain of Arizona, his Republican opponent, was not up to the task of resolving America’s economic and foreign policy problems.

“Tonight, tonight, I say to the people of America, to Democrats and Republicans and independents across this great land — enough!” Obama declared as thousands of flash bulbs popped in the Denver Broncos’ stadium.

Obama wove the personal with the political in his 50-minute address to 84,000 supporters — and millions more at home — explaining how he would make a difference in their lives as president.

Laying out what he characterized as the state of the union after eight years of Republican leadership, Obama painted an America “at one of those defining moments — a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in turmoil and the American promise has been threatened once more,” he said.

“Tonight, more Americans are out of work, and more are working harder for less. More of you have lost your homes, and even more are watching your home values plummet. More of you have cars you can’t afford to drive, credit card bills you can't afford to pay and tuition that’s beyond your reach.”

The blame, he said, lay squarely with “a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush.”

“America, we are better than these last eight years,” he said. “We are a better country than this.”

Praise, criticism for McCain
Obama praised McCain, who was held as a prisoner of war in Vietnam for more than five years, as a brave and distinguished American. But he said McCain was tied at the hip to Bush, who is scheduled to address the Republican National Convention on Monday.

“The record’s clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush 90 percent of the time,” Obama said.

“Senator McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush was right more than 90 percent of the time? I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to take a 10 percent chance on change.”

“I don’t believe that Senator McCain doesn’t care what’s going on in the lives of Americans,” Obama said. “I just think he doesn’t know.”

Foreign policy response from Obama
Obama also answered Republican attacks on his readiness to be commander-in-chief, signaling that Democrats would hit back hard at attempts to tar the party as weak on defense. Similar attacks helped torpedo the candidacy of Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., a highly decorated military veteran, in 2004.

“We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don’t tell me that Democrats won’t defend this country. Don’t tell me that Democrats won’t keep us safe,” Obama said.

Contending that “the Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans — Democrats and Republicans — have built,” Obama promised: “As commander-in-chief, I will never hesitate to defend this nation, but I will only send our troops into harm’s way with a clear mission and a sacred commitment to give them the equipment they need in battle and the care and benefits they deserve when they come home.”

Obama also promised to end the war in Iraq and to “finish the fight against al-Qaida and the Taliban in Afghanistan.”

“When John McCain said we could just ‘muddle through’ in Afghanistan, I argued for more resources and more troops to finish the fight against the terrorists who actually attacked us on 9/11, and made it clear that we must take out Osama bin Laden and his lieutenants if we have them in our sights,” he said. “You know, John McCain likes to say he’ll follow bin Laden to the gates of Hell — but he won’t even go to the cave where he lives.”

And he said he planned to undertake “direct diplomacy” with Iran to prevent it from obtaining nuclear weapons.

“I will restore our moral standing so that America is once more the last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace and who yearn for a better future,” he said.

Promises and problems
A look at Obama's promises and the realities he will confront
• Economy
• Taxes
• Energy
• Health care
• Foreign policy
• Defense
• Education

The promise: Obama has pledged to attack the weak economy with another stimulus plan to follow the $168 billion package of tax rebates for individuals and tax breaks for businesses that Congress passed last February. Obama's stimulus would include tax rebates, aid to state and local governments and increased spending for infrastructure projects. He would also increase spending in other areas such as alternative energy programs.


The problem: Obama's spending plans and middle-class tax relief will collide with the hard reality of exploding budget deficits. The Congressional Budget Office projects this year's deficit will hit $400 billion, driven higher by the weak economy and the stimulus program Congress has already passed. And the Bush administration is forecasting that next year's imbalance will hit an all-time high of $482 billion. Deficits will remain high because of the costs of extending the Bush tax cuts and growing demands on big government benefit programs such as Social Security and Medicare as the baby boom generation retires.
Source: The Associated Press • Print this

Calling for a ‘common purpose’
Obama noted the deep partisan divide in America and laments that “what has also been lost is our sense of common purpose. And that’s what we have to restore.” He promised never to question McCain’s commitment to his country because “one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other’s character and patriotism.”

“I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain,” he said.

In that vein, he also called for a principled debate over domestic issues that divide the parties: abortion, gun ownership, same-sex marriage and gay and lesbian rights and immigration.

“This, too, is part of America’s promise — the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort,” he said.

The McCain campaign hit back with an especially stinging response, issuing a statement that said:

“Tonight, Americans witnessed a misleading speech that was so fundamentally at odds with the meager record of Barack Obama. When the temple comes down, the fireworks end and the words are over, the facts remain: Senator Obama still has no record of bipartisanship, still opposes offshore drilling, still voted to raise taxes on those making just $42,000 per year and still voted against funds for American troops in harm’s way. The fact remains: Barack Obama is still not ready to be president.”

Obama all but ignores racial milestone
One topic Obama did not directly address when he accepted the Democratic nomination shortly after 10 p.m. ET was the historic nature of his status as the first black major-party nominee for president. Only once, late in his speech, did he obliquely refer to the speech in 1963 when the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his famous “I Have a Dream” speech.

“It is that promise that 45 years ago today brought Americans from every corner of this land to stand together on a Mall in Washington, before Lincoln’s Memorial, and hear a young preacher from Georgia speak of his dream,” said Obama, who did not even mention King by name.

After three days of a Democratic National Convention that has relentlessly focused on Obama’s leadership abilities and policy proposals, it was left to others to note his shattering of a centuries-old racial barrier in American politics.
Story continues below ↓advertisement

Obama even said less about his milestone than McCain, who was airing a new ad in battleground states Thursday night. In the ad, McCain looks into the camera and says, “Senator Obama, this is truly a good day for America.”

“Too often, the achievements of our opponents go unnoticed. So I wanted to stop and say, ‘Congratulations.’ How perfect that your nomination would come on this historic day,” McCain says. “Tomorrow, well be back at it. But tonight, Senator, job well done.”

Jill Hazelbaker, the campaign’s deputy communications director, called the ad “very exciting,” adding in an interview on MSNBC: “I think that a lot of people are going to focus on it.”

Obama’s big night came on a day few might have imagined decades ago, when King fought for civil rights. Obama was just 2 years old when King addressed a sea of people on the National Mall in Washington on Aug. 28, 1963.

King “would be very pleased and proud of what the Democratic Party and our nation is on the brink of doing,” Martin Luther King III, the civil rights leader’s eldest son, said in an interview with MSNBC.

“I feel that he and my mother are looking down today with a great big smile on their faces.”

New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine called it “one of those moments where, no matter how you assess it, America is moving far from where it’s ever been.”

Gore, Kaine go after McCain
Former Vice President Al Gore, the Democrats’ nominee in 2000, warmed up the crowd with an attack on McCain.

“Today, we face essentially the same choice we faced in 2000, though it may be even more obvious now, because John McCain, a man who has earned our respect on many levels, is now openly endorsing the policies of the Bush-Cheney White House and promising to actually continue them,” Gore said.

“The same policies all over again? Hey, I believe in recycling, but that’s ridiculous,” Gore said.

Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine, who was widely reported to have been on Obama’s vice presidential short list, called McCain a captive of “the special interests and Washington lobbyists.”

He said Obama would provide “leadership that answers to us,” saying Obama would “put middle-class Americans first again and reward companies who create jobs in America instead of shipping them overseas” and end the war in Iraq.

GOP readies ticket
McCain, meanwhile, was set to announce his running mate Friday, campaign officials told NBC News, in hopes of curbing any bump in the polls Obama might get as he and his running mate, Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, begin a three-day bus tour of battleground states that starts in Pennsylvania.

McCain’s pick was expected to join him at a campaign appearance Friday in Dayton, Ohio, the officials said. Like Obama’s, the campaign also planned a rally in Pennsylvania, on Saturday; both campaigns see Pennsylvania as an important battleground.

McCain was keeping his selection a close secret, but speculation coalesced around Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. Pawlenty was in Denver on Thursday morning as part of a Republican team criticizing Democrats, but later in the day, he canceled all media appearances and left town.

Pawlenty deflected all questions about the possibility of being McCain’s vice presidential pick. As to his immediate plans, Pawlenty said: “I am scheduled to be in Minnesota tomorrow to be at the State Fair.”

Tom Costello, Savannah Guthrie, Mark Murray and Kelly O’Donnell of NBC News; Norah O’Donnell of MSNBC; and NBC affiliate KUSA-TV of Denver contributed to this report.

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Am I A Fireman Yet??


My sister in law, Barbara, rarely forwards these emails but this one was an exception:

In Phoenix , Arizona , a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness,she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up & fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible.The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dream to come true.

She took her son' s hand and asked,'Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?'

Mommy, 'I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.'

Mom smiled back and said, 'Let's see if we can make your wish come true.' Later that day she went to her local fire Department in Phoenix , Arizona , where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix . She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine. Fireman Bob said, 'Look, we can do better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock We dnesday morning, we'll make him an honorary Fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat - not a toy -- one-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix , so we can get them fast.'

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls. He rode in the different fire engines, the Paramedic's' van, and even the fire chief's car. He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible. One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital.

Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition. The chief replied, 'We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire?'

'It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?' About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window-------16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room.

With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him. With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, 'Chief, am I really a fireman now? 'Billy, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,' the chief said with those words, Billy smiled and said,'I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing. He closed his eyes one last time.

Leela James, the Lion Queen- Don't Speak (cover)

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I think I like Leela James' version betta.

Sunday, 24 August 2008

embarr-assing moment of the week.


I walked into a client's home and greeted his wife, who's last name, which started with the letter G, could sound like" "Jer-eh-cough".

Without thinking about it, I automatically pronounced her last name with the the soft J sound, (as in Gina) and spoke it rather swiftly, as if with 2 syllables.

"Hello, Mrs. Jerakoff. (smiling) How are YOU?"

She immediately glared at me, as if I said something wrong.

"That's G-erakoff, like Gary-cough. Geh-ri-coff."

"Ah, Gerakoff. OK."

But I'm really thinking, 'Well ex-cuuuuse me with the attitude, biachi ( I happen to have ripping case of PMS), what the heck's gotten into YOU? Sheesh.

And then it occured to me. The way I said her name sounded strange. Mrs. Jerekoff. Jerakoff...Jerk off!!! OH my. I just addressed this man's wife as 'Mrs. Jerkoff'.

It was so strange that I almost started laughing. Hello Mrs. Jerkoff. That is so weird, even more so since it's my general nature with strangers to be respectful, kind, perhaps naiive, but always sincere. God's little sunshine girl who would NEVER on her worst day dream of intentionally hurting someone that way. Not a stranger anyway. It was a Betty White moment.

"Oh, right. Hard G. I'm Sorry." Decided to drop it right there.

When I got out of there, saftely in my car, I looked at his last name again. Sure enough, it can easily be pronounced as a vulgarity. That is just terrible. She's probably gotten that all her married life.

Friday, 22 August 2008

define 'difficult'

i just called a guy to set up an interview for his long term care insurance plan. He's a realtor in an upscale community and so I was surprised when he answered the phone with "Is this the Easter bunny?"

"No Mr. G, but I would like to hop over to your house, if possible, today, to finish up your application for long term care insurance. It will only take me an hour."
(IF you don't bust my chops and make it difficult, I'm thinking).

He game me directions and so I'm headed there in a few minutes.

I went to confirm the appointment with my company via email when I noticed an email regarding the same man. It read: Per the insurance company: "DO NOT CALL THE APPLICANT TO SCHEDULE--please call the agent, Elaine, instead, as the applicant can
be difficult. Elaine's cell is XXX-XXXX.

I think I'll call Elaine and let her know I'm on my way.

sunset

Don't Go- Hothouse Flowers 1988



aw...don't go. Looks like John G, 1988

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Sonnet- The Verve



My friend and me
Looking through her red box of memories
Faded I'm sure
But love seems to stick in her veins you know

Yes, there's love if you want it
Don't sound like no sonnet, my Lord
Yes, there's love if you want it
Don't sound like no sonnet, my Lord
My Lord

Why can't you see
That nature has its way of warning me
Eyes open wide
Looking at the heavens with a tear in my eye

Yes, there's love if you want it
Don't sound like no sonnet, my Lord
Yes, there's love if you want it
Don't sound like no sonnet, my Lord
My Lord

Sinking fast within a boat without a hull
My lord
Dreaming about the day when I can see you there
My side
By my side

Here we go again and my head is gone, my Lord
I stop to say hello
'Cause I think you should know by now
By now
By now
By now
By now
By now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now

Monday, 18 August 2008

No more....



I was driving down to my uncle's home in Newark, Delaware this past Saturday, on my way to our annual McTague family reunion. Gee, it feels great to get out of here. I really enjoy being home and have a very hard time breaking away. At the same time, I find that being alone too much is not good. I like being around people, especially family and friends, and usually come away feeling balanced, that is, when I can force myself to break away. Which is hard.

Saturday morning was beautiful. Cool, clear, refreshing, and free from worries or traffic. I was filled with anticipation, as my plans for the day not only included the family reunion, but a drive, later that afternoon over to AC to meet up with Mike for a Bob Dylan concert. Second one this week, thanks to M who always knows who's coming to town. Thankfully, he remembered to invite me. Ah, this is the life.

So. I'm driving down I-295, feeling happy and carefree, listening to my latest favorite radio station, 89.7. After about an hour south, I need to get some gas. I'm somewhere near Moorestown, which is like the boonies to me. I love these little hamlets which dot the Jersey countryside, exit after glorious exit. By now, my station has faded into a Beatles tribute, one song after another without interruption. It's really good and takes me back to strawberry fields of my youth. I gas up, grab some bottled water, some Juicyfruit, and find my way back to the interstate. Bopping along, singing a song. Full tank of gas. Nice day. I just love the open road.

This song comes on. 'Jealous Guy'. I haven't heard it in years. Certainly bitter sweet. Having been through the cycle of rejection more than once, I understand the turmoil of jealousy. I am familiar with the anger and misery and the..ahem... head games, and I can't understand why people who have experienced it, would ever want to jump back into a serious relationship. Like...Why?

The desire and need for closeness outweighs the angst of all those painful memories, I suppose. Worse for me, than having to deal with my own jealousy, is having to deal with a jealous man. Oh no. I'd much rather have a guy who can handle a friendship on less of an emotional level, than someone who is smitten. The full love treatment never sat well with me anyway. Sadly, love leaves me waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the emotional pendulum to swing the other way, and when it does, depending on the depth of my feelings and level of insight, I may wind up behaving in ways I'd never imagined, sabotaging any hope for reconciliation. Unfortunately, the sad and scary thing with jealous rage, is that by the time you realize the impact of the behaviors, the damage is done.

It's just an awful thing to become so entwined with a person that you lose your own boundaries and leave yourself open to that kind of pain. Hammering away at his ID bracelet as you sit sulking on a curb. I know.

So I'm thinking these PMS thoughts when suddenly, and while the song is still playing, my cellphone rings. Thinking it's my mother, calling me back with directions, I pick up without checking the caller ID.

"Hello G.(pause) This is B."

B is a nice guy from Eharmony I had actually met for one date last week, but decided not to continue on with, for reasons I won't go into. He was a very pleasant guy, just not my type. That's OK. I was careful not to lead him on but obviously somehow sent him conflicting messages, something we needed to clear up so he could move on. I understand. Turns out that the man was having a difficult time with the 'rejection'. I told him not to think of it that way. It was a date. Not a commitment, but he truly believed that ours was a match made in heaven, by the people who KNOW bout these things...and that I was just fearful of intimacy. The latter part is probably true, but truthfully, I really couldn't get past our differences, which to me were as big as the Rockies, and deep as the deepest sea. I'm exaggerating, but as M once told me, you pretty much know within the first 5 minutes, and with B, I knew sooner than that.

In the days that followed, B called a couple of times, and each time, trying to figure out what went wrong and how he could fix it. Though initially pleasant and reserved, I grew more annoyed with each call, and less apt to withhold my personal feelings, which would inevitably cause him pain and anger. The last call, 2 days prior, I said something which caused him to explode and I had to hang up. He called back and carried on as if nothing had been said. I just wanted to end it peacefully.

At this stage of my life I am really quite comfortable with my singleness. Sure it gets lonely but i enjoy the simple pleasures. I go through phases where I am open to meeting new people. Low pressure meetings. No assumptions. No promises of second dates. Like fishing around for a keeper without a hook. NO strings attached. More like browsing for shoes. While something that fits and is comfortable doesn't always feel that way at first, there is an initial attraction. A reason why you actually went for them. And after time you know that you know. They take on the imprint and smell of your feet. You put those stinkers back on and it's like your feet are home. Home. These are some good shoes. Glad I found 'em.

Side story: I had a pair of 'Florshiems' once. Bought em in a Jewish shoe store in Lakewood. Florshiems. Back in high school on summer break, me, Angie and Elena worked at this college cafeteria. Georgian Court. That's where I met M's mom. Francis, which is a whole other story. Anyway. We'd get time off between meals and Angie, who knew about Florsheims, was eager to get a pair. I remember her shoes well. She wore them well with her Levi straight legs. Elena's had a seam down the front. She was cool and could get away with that. Mine were seamless and similar to Angie's. Smooth brown leather uppers sewn around a dark brown sole. Man I loved those leather shoes. Kept em for YEARS. I don't know how I ever let those puppies get away from me. ( bark at the moon...awooo) I miss my old Florsheims. I felt a connection with those shoes. It was all encompassing, much like a childhood crush. Perhaps less intense, maybe more like your favorite patched up jeans that you just don't ever want to let go, because you KNOW you're NEVER going to find another pair of shoes or jeans like them, and it's gonna hurt something TERRIBLE to lose them. That's what I'm talking about. Hard love. Don't even talk to me if you don't know what I mean. So like those shoes, I kinda want someone every now and then with whom I can REALLY dig walking around with, but who, like my favorite old shoes, I can kick off from time to time. PMS talking. It's just that I need time in and out of the thing to come to the realization that it's good for me. I have to miss them to know what they mean to me. Back to the caller.

OK. I've been dumped numerous times, so I understand how he's feeling. If this is the story of his life than why it is so hard? Why fight it? It makes no sense to him that I have no interest in leading him on. I can't make him understand. I'm sorry, B...it's not you...it's the 'chemistry'. Bad answer. He can't believe he's not my type. After all those nice things about him. He wants to know why I am leading him on. Oh I hate this. Could I have been any clearer without being outright nasty? I don't think so. I hate being the bad guy.

"Look, I know how you feel. But if you understood the odds of finding a person you click with? Come on. Certainly you've been down this road before. I have. c'mon. Chin up, Bucky. Take the high road. Consider your strengths. Your positive qualities. You are BETTER than me. At least you have no fear. You are handsome and eligible and healthy. Yes, I mean that. YES, I had a nice time. I just don't want to go out again. OK? I know I know...but please understand." Blah blah blah.

Why did I even let him get started? The song ended miles back in Jersey, however the struggle to end this man's blues from my place on the side of the interstate went on until I am left no other option than to insist he not call again.

" But if you don't want to talk to me, why have you been talking to me for half an hour?"

It was as if he was getting paid to keep me on the line...What IS this? What are you selling? I'll buy it. Just leave me alone! His measure of success, I suppose. Using up my minutes. Breaking me down. What do I want, he asks. What do I need? '

Perhaps I just should have lied and told him I met someone. Or hung up. But I couldn't do that. It was as if he knew that he had finally gotten through to the only woman on Earth and he wasn't about to let her hang up on him, at least not without some drawn out explanations,frustration. Emotional exasperation.

Maybe if I had been with his type I'd have been able to shut him up sooner, but the phone stalker type was entirely new to me. Hey, I remember feeling like that years ago, yes, making excuses for a guy's lack of interest, but that was before I read "He's just not that into you". This poor fella needs to read the book.

Finally, at the end of my kindness, and eager to get back on the road, I gave him what he came for. Sorry Kid. Don't fool yourself with ideas about my fears and insecurities. I am not that into you, and after this nonsense, I'm even less into you. Don't ever call me or harass me, Jackass. Click. Ouch. I wonder if it was good for him too.

So there you have it. When cornered, I'm a mean and nasty Cruella. It's not supposed to be this way. Dr. Warren's plan is failing. The pre-dating agreement isn't working. Aw...I can really relate and hope he can move on the way I've had to, time after time.

Internet dating is like being in a shoe store with all kinds of inventory in the back, but and only a catalog to browse though. Dr.Warren is like the salesman who takes your measurements and requests, believes they've got the perfect shoe for you...trust them, and comes back with a huge stack of boxes. They're ALL perfect for you. Take your time. Thing is, shoes don't feel rejection. They just smell bad and you kick em off. Nobody gets hurt. Goodbye Eharmony.