Sunday, 7 March 2010

never a dry eye

Good grief. After suffering for a week or two, I was diagnosed with 'dry eye', a fitting name for the most uncomfortable condition I've had to deal with since entering those miserable peri-menopausal years. Here I was thrilled to be free from the PMS only to be hurled into...well, maybe it's NOT related to the hormones. Dry eye. It just sounds so lame. Rather unattractive. Dry--Eye. No matter now you say it, still feels pre-dead to me. If you've ever put a blow dryer to your face, turned it on and looked at the inner workings as the heat blows directly onto your cornea, you'll understand. It's like you find yourself squinting, and blinking and then, suddenly PARCHED. It's really awful. You know, sometimes, in the middle of the night, perhaps in the deepest REM stage of your dream, just when the eyeballs begin to roll around, there is this pain which jerks you back to wakefulness and then you try to open your eyes and it's like there are weights on your eyelids. Seriously. As if they've been sewn shut. You think you're going to panic and you can't help but reach up and yank them apart. I mean, It's not like they are crusty, like the crusty crab or anything but it's just so...unsettling, this 'dry eye' phenomena. What the heck...Is this like...the beginning of the end? Or just a change in the weather? Could it be that I sat in the sauna too long? Did I aim the blow dryer too close to my eyeballs? Was I sitting in the direct path of my car heater. Is it going to go away? The ophthalmologist could offer no reason for the dryness which makes it difficult to open my eyes in the middle of the night, and causes my eyes to feel as if my eyelids are lined with sandpaper. "Difficult to treat" were the words which stick in my head. Whether or not it will be a temporary thing, I pray often, try to relax and keep a tight hold on my eye drops, which bring great delight on contact. Actually, the anticipation of contact is almost as good as the splash down. It's getting to where I look forward to spilling the stuff into my eyes every few hours. Honest. I hate giving them to others, but for me, It's like going for a cool swim on a hot day. Like that Oasis in the desert and I very much look forward to them. For some wonderful reason, yesterday morning my eyes were dripping with tears. I was in heaven. Must have gone a little heavy on the drops. In any case, it's going to be alright. I can still muster up a good laugh-cry if I feel moved. Thank God. Thank you God.

No comments: