Forest Grump

"Take these out to the woods, DJ. Throw them out there for the deer." My mom, his grandmother, handed my nephew a pile of greens, romaine lettuce which I had used as a bed for the antipast.

DJ hesitated, not wanting to be bothered with a chore on Easter.

"Nah."

"Come on, DJ". I pushed him to come outside with me and show me the 'arrow' he had discovered in the woods beside his house. I took the lettuce from my mom and started for the door.

"Nah. The arrow is too deep in the forest."

My 8 year old nephew had taken a picture of it the day he spotted 'the arrow' and put it on the framed computer screen. I think the arrow was nailed there years before and pointed the way to something yet to be discovered.

" Oh come on. Besides," I lied, " I discovered something out there the other day you might want to check out." I had no idea what I would find out there but I was sure I could find something in the woods which would be new and exciting to him. For the past couple of years I've noticed the kid developing a certain smugness, an attitude. This kid could use a fresh new discovery.

" What... What do you want to show me? I know everything out there."

" It's a secret."

So he grabbed his shoes and jacket and we walked out to the side of the house, across the driveway and into the woods. We were not far from the house when we tossed the lettuce out for whatever animals would come along.

"We're getting deep into the woods. I don't go this deep."

" DJ, look, you can still see your house. You're not that deep into the woods."

" Okay, but what did you want to show me?"

I had no idea, but decided to walk a little further into the woods just to prolong the element of adventure and discovery.

" You know, actually, there's spider webs out there Aunt Gina. Lot's of spiderwebs.
and I don't go this deep in the woods!"

" I'm sure there are some big spiders and all kinds of bugs and beetles and mice, rats... and probably a lot of tics. Good thing you don't hang out here too much. Make sure you are checked for tics if you do."

" There's nothing here. I'm going back."

" Wait...listen. Do you hear that?"

" Just the cars on the road."

"Hey, Deej, you know what? Long before your house or the road was here, there were Indians living around here.This land is ANCIENT! These trees look old but they are young compared to the ground which has been here since God made the earth. And the pine needles here are at least a couple of feet thick. Now look, There's a rusty old soda can and a beer can someone threw back here a hundred years ago..."

" Yeah, so what?"

Useless information. I was losing him. He was expecting something big. An actual artifact. For some reason we never considered looking for 'the arrow'. I guess he thought it was deeper into the forest than he wanted to go at that moment. I don't know but I was on a mission here.

"Litterers. It's not good. This would make an indian cry (I didn't actually say that but I should have) Somebody changed the way it looks back here. Polluted God's Country. Yuck. Always bring your trash out of the forest."

" I KNOW, but come ON. There's nothing BACK here!"

" ...and here is an old Birthday Balloon that someone had a long time ago. The wind got a hold of it and blew it into the woods. Can't really blame that on anyone. It got away from someone. Now it's decorating the woods."

" Yeah, so what? Big deal. It's garbage. I knew all that. Come on I don't come out this deep. I'm going back. There's NO treasure back here, Aunt Gina. "

"Hey. Your house is right there. And there's the road. You are not lost in the woods. I would not allow you to get lost in the woods. Wait....Hey....see the bottom of this tree?"

Two feet of the bark from the ground up were missing.

" Yeah."

" It looks like a bear ate the bark."

" Right. I don't think so, Aunt Gina."

" Something ate it. It's GONE. But where? Look at the wood under there. Sompins been eating at it. Check it out...this old tree here is dead. Dead as a doornail. But still standing."

We looked up and could see that it was clearly dead. Long gone. It was about 50 feet high but most of the branches were gone.

" DJ. This is what I want to show you. See this dead tree? It's not safe for it to be standing here. It could fall on a person. Or an animal. I'm gonna push it over."

" NO way!"

" It's coming down. Yeah, move back toward your house. Keep walking back until I tell you to stop."

I waited until he was a safe distance away before a started pushing on the trunk.

"Okay. Stay right there, DJ. This is gonna be quick."

The tree gave way without a struggle and began to fall...with a loud crack followed by a thud, it hit the ground and a branch came down beside it.

"YOU'RE CRAZY!" I could hear the kid shouting this while the tree was falling.

" Maybe. I just wanted to show you how easy these dead trees go down and how dangerous it can be if you are leaning on one or if you are out in the woods during a windstorm. Don't you be pushing trees over. They could fall on you. You have to know which way they are going down. Too dangerous for a kid."

" You're so crazy, Aunt Gina."

" Uh huh, but careful too."

" I'm telling my dad what you did."

" That's fine."

" I'm telling him that you almost killed me when you pushed that tree down."

" Now don't be making up stories."

" I know but I just want to tell him that."

Sure, scare the old man, make him doubt my sanity and never trust me with his children again.

" Just for the fun of it, you mean? Shake him up?"

" Yeah... So do you want to see the arrow?"

" What arrow?"

" You know, the arrow I found in the woods."

" Oh right. Nah, not now. I'm freezing cold. Some other time, Kid."

"Okay."

He ran in to tell his dad.

I am thinking that the world should be an exciting and adventurous place, where you can at least learn a few things out in the wild. Even if it's the woods right next to your house.