chiliman's eye

The other day I phoned a friend
I shan't be usin' names
"Not alright, I tell ya, Gee,
the eyeball's shootin' flames!"

"Owie! Owie! Owie! Oh!
Chili-man I love ya so
tell me what has happened though
i know you will be well"

"While chopping jalapenos
without the proper guise
I washed my hands both 'fore and aft'
but much to my demise~
I went to pop the contact in
and soon would realize
a flaming side of poppers
and a sizzling batch of fries!"

Well my heart was feeling something
which I could not minimize
and mistakin' me for cryin'
well it opened up his eyes
He knew I wasn't faking
and it took him by surprise
and seeing he could break me down
I felt I must disguise.
I Couldn't take the chance
lest he see my compromise,
so I layered up and told him,
"I've got onions in my eyes".

Woe is you and oh so woe
and gee girl how I like you so
tell me what has happened though
I know you will be well

"While chopping up the onions
without the proper guise
washed my hands before and aft'
but much to my demise~
can't blame me now for hoping
We could do without the lies
But I am just a
bloomin' onion and
I need to guard my eyes."

And with the sharin' of the troubles
and the things that caused us pain
there's comfort in the knowing
for what else have we to gain?
And if I lose you then tomorrow
because today I have been real
far better to have loved and lost
than have held back what I feel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMXzd7iW3Rw

And when everything which must be added
is put in the chiliman's crock
a 5 to 1 handwash of water and bleach
is the best way to avoid pepper shock.