Monday, 2 April 2007


On the way but getting late
i stopped to go on the Garden State
it's not the way it ought to be
please pray for me, I cannot wait.

How could you ask how should it be?
Certainly not on twisted knee
Sister, can't you hear my plea?
Gotta serious case of urgency!

And If there's someone in this stall
it would be unfair afterall
to interfere with natures call
but it's all for one and one for all.

Dear me, it seems I've come undone
Don't really want to rush anyone
no one's fault but mine alone
and I really should have gone at home.

For heaven's sake, I've got a lake
what are you just sitting?
shootin craps, reading maps
Or are you toilet knitting?

Was that a whisper from within
a little prayer to soothe my sin?
when it's in your hand to help me out
just wrap her up and let me in!

I heard the paper from the roll
heard the flush I'm near the goal
the path is clear the end is near
excuse me, yes, and sorry dear

for making such a bloody scene
intolerance and being mean
it was your turn, and I must learn
that I am not the toilet queen.

Don't mean to sound imperious
and I'm sorry for the tone
but my condition is quite serious
and this is not your throne.

Thank you for your earnest prayer
while in the midst of business there
I would not have asked but urgency
makes ya do things on a dare.


BayonneMike said...

I think this may be the first poem about taking a dump that I have ever read!

angelissima said...

Toilet Queen!
Toilet Knitting!

Eau de Toilet!

How come no one buys Toilet Water any more? You'd be hard pressed to even FIND a good toilet water.
Wasn't Jean Nate' originally called Toilet Water then changed to After Bath Splash?

I recently purchased a Jean Nate gift-set for myself. I was actually going to buy one for you too, but it just seemed

Anyway, the fragrance isn't so bad.
Jeanne Schlameuss always had a bottle of Jean Nate, so did my Mom.

Bernie got the ball rolling with the nostalgic aftershave, Canoe.
Canoe, Canoe? It doesn't smell that bad either I'm telling ya.

Here I have a dresser full of expensive department store parfum (Bernie goes for the parfum...not the cologne, classy guy that he is)
and I prefer Jean Nate and Canoe.

Stuck in the 70's what can I say?

Gina said...

Haven't you read: "Here I sit all broken hearted...."? Maybe men don't get broken hearted over the bowels the way we do...

As far as toilet water, I think the idea was to cover up that bathroomy scent that followed people around, hence the implication that the toilet(water) never saw the likes of anything less than sweet smelling and elegant. "Canoe" sort of implies that one could almost paddle around in the toilet water. All very subliminal and almost convincing....until ya take a whiff.