It was as if couldn't hear. What, with the music and all the noise, one could scarcely hear their own thoughts. But there was no mistaking him.
I dropped the weight and looked up. The man was massive. A handsome mass of rippling black muscle in black with white side stripes, a man I immediately recognized as one of Work Out World's personal trainers. A serious trainer. I had seen him before. Watched him working with women at the gym. Pushing them onward through the pain. Oh the pain. Consequently, I have been careful not to make eye contact with any WOW trainers.
Lost. How dare he?
But of course I was lost. They went and moved everything around since my last visit! Oh, I knew what he was getting at though and prepared myself for the pitch.
"What was that? I didn't catch you."
" I said you look like you're lost here."
I wiped the sweat from my upper lip. You know, I actually enjoy attention. Maybe even crave it. Just not from a guy who wants me to pay for it. So...where was I? Ah yes, lost.
" Actually, I am just not used to the new floor plan."
" That's not what I mean. You really look lost, like you don't know what you're doing with these machines."
What does he mean? It's not like you need to be a rocket scientist to use these things. Sheesh. Just read the...Oh. Seems I had sat down facing the wrong direction for this particular machine.
"oh...well...I really don't know every machine here. I mean just do what I can. As many as I can. 3 sets of 10 at about 30 lbs for these here arm curtains." A little humor to offset my discomfort for having been discovered.
" You need to do 15 reps. 4 sets."
" Uhm...that's twice as many. I don't think I can do that."
"You need to. More reps. Less weight. Burns fat...if you don't your'e gonna waste your time here. And you're gonna wind up with big muscular body...you don't want that do you?"
"no..."
" You need to keep the weight low, just enough to burn your muscles during the last 3 reps of each set."
"Oh..."
" You wanna burn fat, not build muscle, right?"
" Right."
" You need a trainer. A program. Otherwise you are just wasting your time."
" Oh..."
" Here's my card. 10 sessions for $800 to start. my name is Al. Al Spaulding."
Shaking his massive hand.
"Gertie... nice to meet you."
"You just let me know."
" Well sir. Al.... This is really more than I can afford right now. Maybe in May."
" Ok, you let me know. But you NEED a trainer. You wanna be ripped, right?"
"Well... I don't wanna be wasting my time here as you say and certainly don't want a massive butt as you say I am going to get from lifting too much."
Dear God, that's why I'm here in the first place! Get rid of this table for two. This junk in the trunk.
" Well you been doing it all wrong. You do it my way and you WILL see results. Think about it."
Over the next hour, Al would drop in on me with free professional weight lifting advice. He stood by and told me exactly how to use the machines to get "results". He pushed me to finish those agonizing last 3 reps and I hated him. But not really.
" If you want, I have a cheaper package. 7 for $455."
" You know, Al, I might be able to swing that."
I'm thinking that this time last year I put out just as much for the Botox which wore off after 6 months. This would be more useful and healthier. Maybe in May.
As I left the gym, I walked passed Al and patted him on his massive shoulder.
"Thanks,Al for the helpful tips. I appreciate it."
" You just remember what I told you and think about it."
2 comments:
I also have a table for two. Okay..maybe a booth for four.
But, I am so snotty about gyms and it is so not fair. Bing goes to her gym every day and loves it. I go and look around at all the totally gorgeous twenty something babes and just want to rip their legs off and re-attach them to mine. Trade. They can see how fun it is to walk around with bowling balls for kneecaps.
The truth is we could all use a trainer. And my sister, who joined Weight Watchers and now has a trainer, says that without them, she would still be fat. That sometimes what keeps her away from that oreo cookie is knowing that Pete, her trainer will somehow know and punish her.
I think that all trainers should just look like Adolph Hitler.
Ha! I think this guy looks like a black version of 'The Roman Soldier' meets Louis Armstrong.
I do believe your sister is right. Trainers are valuable and worth having if you can afford it. I try not to look at anyone else, while I am at the gym but yeah, some women there are on a mission for manhood. Others are somewhere in the middle
( I fancy myself one of these),and still others are way blown out. The men are mostly 20 something, seems like there are several sets of identical twins... and some middle aged guys who look older but are probably younger than me. It's a strange phenomena. Coupla geezers.
I saw that funniest video of
baby face knees. The woman's knees actually had the bumpy features of babies faces, Maria. I am telling you, the exercises he showed me definitely helped the legs out. I am still feeling that one session. He gave me so much information that you'd think I don't need a trainer now. I am going to give myself one month and see how it goes.
I encourage you to continue working out. You will see a difference. Low weights, more reps and THEN another 1/2 hour on the elliptical! Work hard, Eat hard.
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